Monday, March 5, 2012

Three Women I Want to Take Hunting

For most men, and women for that matter, the duck blind and duck boat is the domain of the man. While duck hunting isn't for everyone, many women enjoy the sport. For the North Carolina Duck hunting to grow and prosper, it'll need women to fill the voids left by hunters who have given up the sport. Women, believe it or not, are often better marksmen than men. Women are certainly more deliberate in their actions and decisions. Despite what many believe, women can also learn to back a trailer, drive a boat, throw out decoys, harvest ducks, clean ducks, and cook ducks. I know one that is fair at all of the above. I'm not fair at all of the above. Nevertheless, I like to introduce duck hunting to people. Women are always a challenge and often a surprise, though. When you take a woman, never treat them like a woman, other than the obvious courteous aspects involved in anything chivalrous. And there's nothing more chivalrous than shooting wild divers. Either way, make sure they're feet don't get cold. The night prior or morning of, ensure that chemical handwarmers and foot warmers are properly applied. Always pack an extra jacket and cap...but don't mention that it was for them - but instead that it was for you - just in case. And don't ridicule their shooting. They won't miss you at close range.

Now, picking the right woman is important. You might not want to take Rachel Carson or the local PETA Chapter President. Other than their armpit hair sticking out of their sweater openings, they'll frown on any attempt of yours to shoot anything. When taking someone, remember that looks matter. Pretty woman are just as fun to watch as ducks. Well, almost.

I fI could take any three women in the world, it would be:

Giada De Laurentiis...many of you have never heard of her. You'll only find her on the food channel cooking up Italian anitpastis and other stuff that you wouldn't be caught dead eating, unless she had personally prepared them for you. Still, Giada is a beautiful woman. If I were going to compare her to a decoy, it would be a Madison Mitchell redhead - lines and curves in the appropriate places, if not exaggerated a bit, where it matters most. She can also wield a frying skillet as god as anyone. Breakfast in the marsh, anyone? Absolutely. She would be they type to also round out a day in the blind with a little spaghetti bolongese, whatever that is.

Princess Kate...a true classic beauty - a lot like Bob Morse decoy. Straight, but appropriately proportioned lines and forever identifiable and art and function. She's got some good tailoring behind her, so you know she'll act appropriate in the blind and in the boat. I would imagine that Regal Kate also knows how to wield a shotgun, as the Royal Family has a sporting tradition. She'd be the best dressed woman of the bunch, and would never talk out of turn, or shoot until the shot was called. I can't imagine she would pick up decoys, but she might just hire someone to do it for the other hunters, too.

Megan I really need to explain this? If she were going, I can imagine that I would be less than honest with her in describing the customary attire needed for duck hunting...

  • Me: "Megan, you'll really wish you wore your bikini tomorrow. It's not going to be that cold...and we are going to the ocean."

She'd probably curse a lot while we hunted, so mine would probably be drowned out.

There are lots of other women I would love to take...sure I take my lady friend. And the above names would not shock or disappoint her. And I can outrun her anyway...

Still, take some time to invite women into the sporting world. They, too, can be advocates for waterfowl. Just because they don't go, doesn't mean they won't...

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